Two and a Zoo: The Winter That Would NEVER END!

This has been THE! LONGEST! WINTER! EVER!

Winter in Ohio sucks pretty much every year. It's cold. It's dark. The "color" (if you can even call it that) gray is everywhere. Because of repeated spells of ridiculously low, sub-zero temperatures, the insane amount of snow, one crazy ice storm, the POLAR VORTEX, and the unbelievable number of school delays and cancellations, however, this year has been worse than anything we've experienced in a long time. Here's a glance at what our weekly schedule has looked like for the past month and a half.

As you can see, we have had a LOT of snow days. We've had so many, in fact, that we have maxed out our pre-allowed five calamity days and are now in the position of having to dip into our summer break to make up for the extra time the kids have missed. (Edited to add: as of last week, our school has adopted the "Blizzard Bags" solution to avoid having to stay open into June. I promise to weigh in on this decision at another date, perhaps when my patience is a little thicker.) Also, "snow day" actually is kind of a misnomer. We have had more cancellations due to dangerously low temperatures and ice accumulation than actual snow this year. I will add, too, that cold weather days are even more frustrating than real snow days because you pretty much are trapped in the house because it's too cold to play outside, and the car either won't turn on at all, or has some weird/scary noises and issues if it does actually start.

In any case, my family is luckier than most because I work part-time at Granny's Garden School, and we hold classes only during planting and harvesting season. Therefore, I'm off for the vast majority of the cold winter months. This means when our schedule is disrupted, Phil and I generally don't have to scramble around to figure out which one of us will rearrange things... again... so someone can be home with the kids... again. The downside of this arrangement is that every time there is some kind of delay or cancellation, I'm always the one who is home with the kids. Believe me, it's not as fun or as easy as it sounds. Actually, I take that back. It *is* kind of fun at first. It's by the fifth or sixth time in a row that things start getting a little insane. It looks a bit like this:

Snow Day Number One

How exciting! A day off! Let's make a snow fort, bake cookies, and drink hot chocolate! SO GLAD we wore our pajamas backwards and flushed ice cubes down the toilet last night! I love hanging out with you guys and I know you love hanging out with me just as much! Life is AWESOME!

Snow Day Number Two

Well, that's a bonus. We can do some cool tricks that only work when it's super cold out -- turn boiling water into steam, watch bubbles turn to ice, freeze a wet shirt in six minutes flat! Then we can spend the rest of the day in front of the TV watching movies together. So fun! You guys are the best.

Snow Day Number Three

It's okay. I got this. Yes, I know you're starting to get bored. Let's have a jammie day and order pizza. Why don't you read a book? Stop picking on your sister. Don't tease your brother. PLEASE find something on TV other than Disney XD. Are you seriously STILL playing Minecraft? Ugh, Mommy needs a timeout in her room by herself! How much longer until your father gets home?

Snow Day Number Four

Well, at least they canceled last night instead of giving us a 5 a.m. wake-up call this time. How about you play with some of those million toys you got for Christmas? No? Okay, I know! You can clean out the toy cabinets! Doesn't that sound like fun!? Seriously, stop picking on each other. I mean it. Really. I'm not joking around. Listen to what I'm saying - STOP IT. You can't keep your hands to yourselves? Fine! Then go to your rooms! SERIOUSLY, GO TO YOUR ROOMS AND LIKE IT!

Snow Day Number Five

OMG, really? Again? You have GOT to be kidding me! What do you mean it's too cold? It's like ten degrees warmer than last week! "That which does not kill me makes me stronger." "That which does not kill me makes me stronger." "That which does not kill me makes me stronger." I repeat it in my head approximately two-thousand times.

Snow Day Number Six

Ugh! Mommy needs another time out. Unless there is blood or fire, DO NOT disturb me... and if I find out which one of you has been flushing ice cubes again, I'm taking your iPod away for a week!

So, there you go. I think that by now, my kids are just as sick of hanging out with me as I am of hanging out with them. I love them. I really do. And I know they love me as well. We have just had a crazy amount of together time this year so far and it's beyond time to get back in a regular, predictable, boring routine.

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
I am going to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger during his prime-steroid-use years at this rate.

P.S. It hasn't been all bad. Here's a sampling of a few good times this winter. :)

Desserts at IKEA in -10 degree temps. Our windshield washer fluid was
frozen solid and the minivan was making some concerningly weird noises that day.